Be Miss Right from Saying Hello
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Be Miss Right from Saying Hello

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Be Miss Right from Saying Hello

Be Miss Right from Saying Hello

 

Maybe you are going through one failed relationship after another, you feel lonely, unlovable, unworthy, your self-esteem is down to toilet after being hurt.

 

But let me tell you, that’s because the universe is preparing you for someone special. You are being called for a change, so you can build stronger, healthier connections and meet your true love.

 

There are 3 steps for the changing process:

 

Step 1: Understand attachment style

 

Attachment is the emotional connection you form as infant with your primary caregiver. Your attachment style can have profound impact in your adult relationships later on.

 

There are 4 types of attachment styles.

    • Secure attachment

 

    • Anxious (or ambivalent) attachment

 

    • Avoidant-dismissive attachment

 

    • Disorganized attachment

Step 2: Know your attachment style and how it shapes your love relationship

 

By Lawrence Robinson, Jeanne Segal, Ph.D. and Jaelline Jaffe, Ph.D.

 

Secure attachment style

    • You appreciate your own self-worth and you are able to be yourself in an intimate relationship, you are comfortable expressing your feelings, hope, and needs.

 

    • You find satisfaction in being with others, openly seek support and comfort from your partner, but don’t get overly anxious when the two of you are apart.

 

    • You’re similarly happy for your partner to rely on you for support.

 

    • You’re able to maintain your emotional balance and seek healthy ways to manage conflict in a closed relationship

 

    • When faced with disappointment, setbacks, and misfortune in your relationships as well as other parts of your life, you’re resilient enough to bounce back.

Anxious or ambivalent attachment style

    • You want to be in a relationship and crave feelings of closeness and intimacy with a significant other, but you struggle to feel that you can trust or full rely on your partner.

 

    • Being in an intimate relationship tends to take over your life and you become overly fixated on the other person.

 

    • You may find it difficult to observe boundaries, viewing space between you as a threat, something that can provoke panic, anger, or fear that your partner no longer wants you.

 

    • A lot of your sense of self-worth rests on how you feel you’re being treated in the relationship and you tend to overact to any perceived threats to the relationship

 

    • You feel anxious or jealous when away from your partner and may use guilt, controlling behavior, or other manipulative tactics to keep them close

 

    • You need constant reassurance and lots of attention from our partner.

 

    • Others may criticize you for being too needy or clingy and you may struggle to maintain close relationships.

Avoidant-dismissive attachment style

    • You’re an independent person, content to care for yourself and don’t feel you need others.

 

    • The more someone tries to get close to you or the needier a partner becomes, the more you tend to withdraw.

 

    • You’re uncomfortable with your emotions and partners often accuse you of being distant and closed off, rigid and intolerant. In return, you accuse them of being too needy.

 

    • You’re prone to minimize or disregard your partner’s feelings, keep secrets from them, engage in affairs, and even end relationship in order to regain your sense of freedom.

 

    • You may prefer fleeting, casual relationship to long-term intimate ones, or you seek out partners who are equally independent, ones who’ll keep their distance emotionally.

 

    • While you may think you don’t need close relationships or intimacy, the truth is we all do. Humans are hardwired for connection and deep down, even someone with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style wants a close meaningful relationship – if only they could overcome their deep-seated fears of intimacy.

Disorganized/disoriented attachment style, also referred to as fearful-avoidant attachment

    • You probably find intimate relationships confusing and unsettling, often swing between emotional extremes of love and hate for a partner.

 

    • You may be insensitive towards your partner, selfish, controlling and untrusting, which can lead to explosive or even abusive behavior. And you can be just as hard on yourself as you are on others.

 

    • You may exhibit antisocial or negative behavior patterns, abuse alcohol or drugs, or prone to aggression or violence.

 

    • Others may despair at your refusal to take responsibility for your actions.

 

    • While you crave the security and safety of a meaningful, intimate relationship, you also feel unworthy of love and terrified of getting hurt again.

 

    • Your childhood may have been shaped by abuse neglect, or trauma.

 

 

For more information about attachment styles visit

 

Attachment Styles and How They Affect Adult Relationships (helpguide.org)

 

 

 

Step 3: Move from insecure attachment styles to secure attachment styles

 

Having an insecure attachment style may cause distress and uncertainty in relationships, but changing attachment style is possible.

    • Keep an emotional journal can help you identify patterns

 

    • Pause reaction until calm down

 

    • Accept yourself and others

 

    • The more you learn how insecure attachment style can negatively impact your relationship, the easier for you to transform

 

    • Meditation to develop positive thinking ability, when you are positive, it’s more likely you feel secure

 

    • Learning from others with a secure attachment style

 

    • Therapy